Why am I Doing This?
I think that this is a question that we need to ask ourselves every time we do something of significance, or at least we are about to.
The other morning as I woke up (the morning after I wrote the first blog!) I had some impressionable thoughts come to mind as I was just waking up. They were in one way oddly disturbing, but in another way freeing, the more I thought about it..
I found myself pondering these things as I slowly woke up - just why had I written that note on Facebook in 2015? Something about this was bothering me. What was it?
Exactly why had I written it? It was at a time in my life when I was virtually stuck with terrible writers block. I guess I was having to ask myself some hard questions. How on earth did I manage that, when I was struggling to write? Like I mentioned in the previous blog, I realized that the words I had written were not truly "me". They were not true to my own heart. Oh yeah, perhaps some of my previous revelation was intertwined with that. But it had become outdated for me. Obsolete. So why did I find myself writing that note? I had to ask myself that question. Why? And so, the answer came - I felt obligated. The same old familiar reasons of course...
What would people think? What, she is longer writing? I mean, she is a published author. Why isn't she writing now? What is she doing?
So where were these subtle accusations coming from? Obviously, I felt guilty somewhere deep down in there and felt I needed to write something, because "they" would be thinking negative thoughts about me. "They" would be judging me...
Well the truth of the matter is, (and yeah I know you have probably heard it said) that we spend a great deal of time worrying about what people are thinking about us and what we are doing when most of the time they aren't even thinking about us at all. The do not care! And if they do and they are being all "judgey" and "stuffy", well we all know what we (and i mean me haha) like to tell other people - we honestly need to shake that crap off. Just let it go.
LOL, So, I realized that I had taken on board all of these perceived judgements and had jumped on the "what will people think of me" hamster wheel. So in short I was trying to be a "people pleaser." There I said it, the infamous people pleasing thing had once again reared its ugly head in my life.
Oh how it can creep in so suddenly when we least expect it. I need to be comfortable where I am at, no matter where that "at" is. I know its a simple message, well, simple to talk about, but not always simple to do. It seems as though I just have it hardwired into me sometimes, that I want to keep people happy, even if they couldn't care less about me, well not really anyhow.The real people in my life know my struggles and if they don't they accept me for who I am anyway. And so, "so what" if these other group of "they people" did care? Whhooo cares if they care!! LOL
So, I realize its not always easy to stay true to ourselves and avoid doing things just to please people, because we feel that something may be expected of us. So, I had writers block. So what? I was obviously having trouble accepting that about myself. I can see that now. And will I fall into that trap again? Well, maybe. Am in stuck in that trap right now, even if I cant see it? Well maybe that too! I just think its a matter of staying honest with ourselves and to never be afraid to ask these questions. Especially if something has become a burden. Is this necessary? Why am I REALLY doing this?
Honestly, its a full time job being honest with ourselves, but it is something that is worth keeping in mind, with everything we do. Because if we don't we will find ourselves spinning ourselves around in that lil hamster wheel, or at worse burning ourselves out. Stay true to yourself, even if that means asking uncomfortable questions. It is worth doing it, or is it time to say no, and create some boundaries, in order to be free of the "what will people think" routine.
Just a few thoughts, for today I hope it has helped someone,
Jules
PS just so you know, hamsters are guinea pigs in Australia, but "guinea pig wheel" doesn't sound very effective, now does it? Doesn't have that "ring" to it...hahahhaha :)
The other morning as I woke up (the morning after I wrote the first blog!) I had some impressionable thoughts come to mind as I was just waking up. They were in one way oddly disturbing, but in another way freeing, the more I thought about it..
I found myself pondering these things as I slowly woke up - just why had I written that note on Facebook in 2015? Something about this was bothering me. What was it?
Exactly why had I written it? It was at a time in my life when I was virtually stuck with terrible writers block. I guess I was having to ask myself some hard questions. How on earth did I manage that, when I was struggling to write? Like I mentioned in the previous blog, I realized that the words I had written were not truly "me". They were not true to my own heart. Oh yeah, perhaps some of my previous revelation was intertwined with that. But it had become outdated for me. Obsolete. So why did I find myself writing that note? I had to ask myself that question. Why? And so, the answer came - I felt obligated. The same old familiar reasons of course...
What would people think? What, she is longer writing? I mean, she is a published author. Why isn't she writing now? What is she doing?
So where were these subtle accusations coming from? Obviously, I felt guilty somewhere deep down in there and felt I needed to write something, because "they" would be thinking negative thoughts about me. "They" would be judging me...
Well the truth of the matter is, (and yeah I know you have probably heard it said) that we spend a great deal of time worrying about what people are thinking about us and what we are doing when most of the time they aren't even thinking about us at all. The do not care! And if they do and they are being all "judgey" and "stuffy", well we all know what we (and i mean me haha) like to tell other people - we honestly need to shake that crap off. Just let it go.
LOL, So, I realized that I had taken on board all of these perceived judgements and had jumped on the "what will people think of me" hamster wheel. So in short I was trying to be a "people pleaser." There I said it, the infamous people pleasing thing had once again reared its ugly head in my life.
Oh how it can creep in so suddenly when we least expect it. I need to be comfortable where I am at, no matter where that "at" is. I know its a simple message, well, simple to talk about, but not always simple to do. It seems as though I just have it hardwired into me sometimes, that I want to keep people happy, even if they couldn't care less about me, well not really anyhow.The real people in my life know my struggles and if they don't they accept me for who I am anyway. And so, "so what" if these other group of "they people" did care? Whhooo cares if they care!! LOL
So, I realize its not always easy to stay true to ourselves and avoid doing things just to please people, because we feel that something may be expected of us. So, I had writers block. So what? I was obviously having trouble accepting that about myself. I can see that now. And will I fall into that trap again? Well, maybe. Am in stuck in that trap right now, even if I cant see it? Well maybe that too! I just think its a matter of staying honest with ourselves and to never be afraid to ask these questions. Especially if something has become a burden. Is this necessary? Why am I REALLY doing this?
Honestly, its a full time job being honest with ourselves, but it is something that is worth keeping in mind, with everything we do. Because if we don't we will find ourselves spinning ourselves around in that lil hamster wheel, or at worse burning ourselves out. Stay true to yourself, even if that means asking uncomfortable questions. It is worth doing it, or is it time to say no, and create some boundaries, in order to be free of the "what will people think" routine.
Just a few thoughts, for today I hope it has helped someone,
Jules
PS just so you know, hamsters are guinea pigs in Australia, but "guinea pig wheel" doesn't sound very effective, now does it? Doesn't have that "ring" to it...hahahhaha :)
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